Does the anime give a figure for the number of people caught in the Liore array? Even a general figure like "hundreds" or "thousands" would be helpful.

I remember reading in Stephen King's On Writing the idea that we all write for a "perfect reader." His is his wife. It made a lot of sense to me because that's exactly what I do, or did. For original fiction, my perfect reader is my mom. She's also my editor.

But I realized I don't have that for fanfic (either one). I've unconsciously fallen into thinking I did a few times, only to be disappointed. I've tried to distance myself from it, but doing that is not easy and feels unnatural. I think it's only normal to write with someone in mind. So who am I writing for? Does it matter?

Not that I've been writing. I've been doing a lot of thinking about writing the last few days, but I haven't been able to get myself to sit down and put words to anything. Part of the problem is that I'm going to feel guilty no matter what I work on, and I haven't really wanted to deal with that. I know people are waiting for the fanfic, but Silver has been sitting for so long that anyone who might have been following it has probably given up. As far as I can tell, anyway. But this is my baby and I need to finish it.

Not that I've been completely unproductive. I rediscovered the joys of velour and pastel dust, and impossible to open fixative cans. I can't even express how it feels to be able to draw again. I still have to be careful, but it's not making me want to curl up and weep afterwards.

Tomorrow I will get back on the writing. Though on what, I'm not sure.

It struck me last night that they'd talked to a couple cops a few chapters back. It wouldn't be too random to bring them back in .. .I think.

Any thoughts or ideas would be much appreciated, I'm still kinda floundering here. Though I suspect most people didn't follow my babbling. I know NaNo and other things are rather pressing.

A short backstory to Silver, Worth, is up at Paper Demon. I'll deal with Elfwood later.

Silver's voice is always an interesting challenge to pin down. I don't think I've yet done it justice, quite, although no one would know that but me. He's the only character I have that pushing my vocabulary in that way, for most other characters I have to tone down the academia.

I ought to be working on the main story, of course, but it's still stuck in the what-happens-next problem. I was talking with my mom about it the other day, and she gave me some ideas to work with. I miss brainstorming like that. But it still comes down to figuring out what the various characters are going to do. And working around my narrator being locked in a room.

I really hate the way I obsess over things. Although I did hold off on posting until I was in a much better mood. I was going to not post at all but I think I need to get this out so it'll hopefully stop interfering with my life and getting in the way of my writing.

Like I already said, I worry that the third chapter of Now and Then comes off as a cop-out. I was worried about it when I was planning the story, I worried over it while writing, I worried about it all the way up to posting. I thought I'd be done with the worry when I posted, but I should have known better.

Critical comments are a rare thing online and in a way, that's a pity. If I'm at all uncertain about something, I tend to think people are being polite or are too scared to say anything negative. In other words, it means I can't completely trust that people are being honest. Because I know my own habits, and I know I shy away from being critical, because I've seen authors react negatively.

But as an author I hate it, I'd rather be secure in the knowledge that readers would tell me if something I posted sucked. Or even if it was just disappointing in some way. It's not only so that I can trust the positive comments; if something is off in my writing, I want to to know about it. How else would I be able to improve? I don't normally get any feedback beforehand so comments after the fact are the only thing I have.

The last thing I want right now is reassurances, because in the state of mind I'm in, I wouldn't believe them. That's why I disallowed comments on the previous post. But that seems cowardly, so they're back on. So if the last chapter was a disappointment, I'm sorry. I gave it the best ending I could while staying true to the story and what I was trying to do with it. And now I need to let this go and move on with things.

Writing a conversation between two people who have no intention of showing their hands is ... eh ... interesting.

*bashes head*

At least it's moving forward. If painfully.

Word and Scrivener disagree on whether it's "nicknacks" or "knickknacks". But then, Word also doesn't like "grey" or "judgement" (or "thunked"), so I think I'm going to go with Scrivener on this one. Besides, "knickknacks" has far too many Ks, it looks awkward and stuttery. (Incidentally, Safari's spellcheck doesn't have a problem with any of those words - except for "stuttery", which I think isn't actually a word - but Safari also lets "kinda" and "gonna" get through.)

(LJ's spellcheck, on the other hand, dislikes "nicknacks", "judgement", "thunked", "stuttery", and "spellcheck". It's fine with "kinda" and "gonna". It wants me to change "nicknacks" to either "nicknack's" or "knickknacks", which really doesn't make much sense. "Nicknack" can be possessive, but not plural?)

Ha! I found out how to display the non-printing characters in Scrivener! They're called "invisibles"! This makes me absurdly happy. And I'm well aware of the "absurd" part. But whenever I opened a document in Word for formatting, I'd react with, "oh, hello non-printing characters, I missed you~~" But now they're right there - in blue! - in my Scriv. file, and I can oogle them all I want.

::Cough:: I appear to have some weird typography kink...?

I printed out chapter 3 for a read-over but somehow haven't gotten to it c_c;. I will pick it up tomorrow, promise. In the mean-time, at least I got my current kink!meme fic moving again. I don't even know why it was stuck, it just kinda was. But it's moving, and hopefully I'll be able to wrap it up before long and start on the next one. And then get back to the WIPs I've left hanging.

Rough draft finally DONE, after a 1000-word sprint where things finally hit and came together. Kinda wish that had happened earlier, but eh, can't really control those things. Still not sure it's hitting all the right notes, but I'll let it sit for a while before going over it.

Going by the number of scenes, I thought this chapter was shorter than the other two, but I just checked the word count - it's actually the longest chapter o_O. Not by much, but still.

I pictured this scene going A, B, C⇒D, E. But once the boys got the reins they decided to go A-B-F-G⇒D, and we're still negotiating E. I think Ed might have pulled a fast one on me ^^;. I'm going to let this season a bit and then see if it still works as well as I think it does.

In the meantime, maybe I'll go peek in on the kink!meme XD

I will not start another fic for the kink!meme. I will not start another fic for the kink!meme. I just finished the first one, I will not start another. I will not...

...at least not until after I've gotten some other writing done first.

Dammit, why do people have to post such good prompts....

(First fic is posted at y!gal, BTW.)

Edit: I keep forgetting to mention that I have Dreamwidth codes. If anyone wants one, just give me your e-mail addy :)

I has masters! The diploma came in the mail today, make me officially official. Now I just need the job to go with it.

In the mean time, I think I'm enjoying this kink!meme just a little too much XD. Although some would argue that that's not possible. Although I almost outed myself by forgetting to log out at one point. I might out myself when I'm finished anyway; I haven't decided if/where I'll post the completed fic. But the meme has proven that I can still write 1700+ words in a day when I'm "on." Too bad I haven't figured out how to control the "on" state.

Writing has ... not been happening, the last several days. Work has been crazy busy with the summer reading game starting, but I was off Sunday and today and just .. haven't been able to write. I got a little done on Sunday, but nowhere near what I wanted. It's not that I don't know what's going to happen, the plot actually resolved itself fairly well Sunday, but when I sit down to write everything that tries to come out is flat and clunky. Like I've regressed back to high school or something.

I read over some of my fics and parts of them read like a tennis shoe in the dryer. And I think, why didn't anyone tell me this was awkward? Then I remember that most people are afraid to leave negative comments. And I start thinking that everyone's just being nice and is too polite (or scared) to tell me it sucks. And, oh yeah, did I mention I've kinda been in one of my "the internet fucking SUCKS" moods lately?

Really, though, I think I've been worn out from work and either allergies or a mild cold/flu (probably allergies), which hasn't been the best for my mood OR any sort of thinking.

I did get a tiny bit of painting done today, so it wasn't all wasted. I really should wash my watercolor palette, though, it's running out of clean places to mix colors. And now my wrist hurts.

I was poking around on The Worst Review Ever at work today (yaaaay for babysitting a desk) and it got me thinking. While some of the reviews are truly awful (my favorite was the one for the book Generations, where the "reviewer" more or less said "books that don't have a social or political agenda are worthless and shame on you for writing a worthless 'entertainment' book and COME READ MY MANIFESTO to see how wrong you are"), many of them were simply from a person who didn't like the book.

Well, that's gonna happen. A piece of writing isn't going to please everybody. Having your work torn apart or even just someone saying they don't like it is going to sting, yes. I'm not arguing with that. But sometimes it seems authors think everyone must like their work and OMG YOU HATERS ARE AWFUL for not liking it.

A good negative review is a gold mine. Sometimes the reviewer was simply in the wrong demographic or was reading from a genre they didn't like (why review a romance novel if you don't like romance novels?), but otherwise, a negative review can point out weaknesses in our writing that we otherwise might not see. The reviewer might be way off base, but they're usually coming from somewhere. Glowing reviews are wonderful, but - in all honesty - they're not very helpful. I want the crits. I want my work to be ripped to shreds. Silence is the bad thing, not negative reviews.¹

Once we put our words out there, they're no longer ours. We can't control what a reader reads. And readers have a right to not like a work. They also have a right to post their negative opinions. Especially when it's not directly aimed at the author (one of the - many - reasons that review for Generations crossed the line). Reviews are written for the readers, not for the author.

However, I do think reviewers should refrain from personal attacks and phrases such as "candy-coated turd," as colorful as that is, or saying the author should be "drawn and quartered." I mean, really. At least post valid reasons for disliking something.

¹This is somewhat hypocritical of me, since I so very rarely post critical comments. But that's because it's SO FREAKIN' HARD to judge how a writer is going to react, and comments are much more immediate and personal than a review. That, and I've been singed a few times. But still. I would rather people not hold back. Tell me why it's crap.

Apparently PaperDemon doesn't tell you when someone fav's your work, but it looks like both Silver and the back story got fav's. So, yah, color me surprised o.O . Especially since those are the only pieces - of the writing - to get a favorite.

Aaaaaand cue the guilt. Yep, there it is.

::twiddles thumbs and waits to hear back from potential beta::

Fic is currently in the "OMG this is horrible and no one will ever want to read it" stage. I hate it when this stage shows up. It usually goes along with the writing-like-pulling-teeth mode. *Bashes head*

Part of the problem is, I don't know if the format that kinda evolved will actually work, or if it'll just be confusing. And the plot is ... *eyes the plot* ... well, it's me and plotting. That's never an easy mix.

But, plugging away, plugging away...

Those of you who have a beta, how did you connect with them? I feel like I'm missing something here. Also, how does the process work? Do you send over in-process work, the finished product only, what? I'm kinda getting the impression that most fic writers aren't as isolated as I seem to be. Anyway, I'm curious.

Paper Demon only allows 8 artwork submissions a day; this may take a while ^^. Writing is all up, though. My fics are still monopolizing the front page, I guess nobody's been submitting fanfic right now. (It's probably no surprise that the bondage fic has the most hits so far, even though it's over in the Red Curtain. Or maybe because; I really don't know the community's browsing habits yet.) I should probably fill out the profile, but I kinda fail at profiles. Yay procrastination.

Edit: Good god, the formatting on In the Rough is horrible over there >_< No idea how to make it less ugly, though